To My Other Self
by Dreams1408
Summary: Faylinn Adler is just trying to figure out who she in this world. She joined the Survey Corps to finally see beyond the wall. Will it be too much than she bargained for and will she finally unveil her family's mystery. Hopefully she'll get help along the way. Rated M for Maybe I'll make a better summary? Don't count on it.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan nor its characters, only my OC(s).**

 **Not sure when I'll update, maybe if enough people ask I will. It also will loosely follow ideas from the Manga. Mainly, just my OC's story, which will transition back and forth from flashbacks, if it gets confusing let me know. Constructive criticism, is always welcome. I hope you enjoy and let me know if you're interested in continuing this story.**

I awoke to my parents arguing _again._

"You're putting us all in danger Ryuu, get rid of those books and stop speaking such nonsense, if you're not going to do it for _me_ do it for Fay", I heard my mother say.

"The truth needs to be uncovered, Alida. I just need to make sense of what these books are trying to tell me. Could you imagine a world without Titans? I need to make the world a better place, especially for Fay and you. I want to leave this world knowing she can finally live her life free, without fear, without being confined by these walls!" Papa retorted.

"The titans have taken over the lands, you need to stop putting those ideas in her head. It's bad enough you're going insane about this, but not Fay too, she's only 7! That world is over, she'll never see life outside the walls, we're safe here and that's all that matters, but not if you keep those forbidden books and crazy theories. That's treason, you know the punishment for that!" She exclaimed.

"These were my familiy's and I'll be damned if I were to throw these away. My father left these for a reason and I'm going to finish what he started." I heard my papa argue.

"Alright, Ryuu." I heard her say defeated. "You win".

My parents have been fighting for a while now, ever since grandpapa died. Momma is always upset and doesn't really talk to anyone. She sleeps a lot and I hear her cry sometimes at night too. Papa always makes time for me though and reads to me from the books grandpapa left, those were my favorite.

One day momma was just gone, it was after that argument they had, I heard her shouting saying, she couldn't handle it anymore. That she was living with a traitor and that it wasn't worth getting killed over. She always blamed Papa for not thinking our little family was enough, but I think she just wanted a way out. I just hope she's happy now, wherever she may be. I do miss her sometimes.

Papa put down the lantern as he was putting me to bed he asked, "Fay, you ever wonder why you look different than most of the other kids?"

"It's because I look like you papa!" I said happily.

"Yes, honey, but my mother and father both looked like us as opposed to your mother", he added.

"I guess, but I got mommas eyes!" I said.

His face fell, I knew he missed her, the expression on his face every time he looked into my hazel eyes, showed it. All his research in what grandfather left him made him obsessed with finding out the truth of our existence. And momma couldn't handle it, she thought it was treason, that he was going against the king. He meant well though, he said he did it all for me and I'd never forget that.

"Yes, well we're what you call oriental, the last of our kind", he added.

"Of course Papa, the last of humanity", I grinned.

"No, sweethear-" he was cut off by a banging on the door.

"Military police, Ryuu Hisashi, we have a warrant for your arrest!" I heard a man say from outside the door.

"Faylinn, I'm going to need you to hide, you know where? He asked.

{He never said my whole first name, he always called me sweetie or Fay, something was wrong}

"Yes Papa, but why? Who are those people?" I asked as I followed him towards the door.

"Coming!" He yelled.

"Faylinn, just go hide and if I don't come back, just know I love you and always will. Go to the Adler's house once everyone is gone, make sure everyone is gone though. The Adler's will know what to do. He whispered.

"I don't want to go Papa I want to stay with you." I pleaded.

"Faylinn just do as I say" he added.

"OPEN UP, OR WERE TAKING YOU BY FORCE", the guy said again.

Before I knew it, I heard people breaking down the door and saw them tackling him to the ground.

"Papa!" I yelled.

"Fay, go NOW!" He yelled.

My legs grew weak, I started crying and felt like I couldn't move. I didn't want to, what were they doing to him, he did nothing wrong. He was just being Papa. First momma, now they're taking Papa away from me?

"FAY!" I heard him shout.

"I love you Papa," I whispered.

I ran towards my room, grabbed the lantern and got in my closet, the door to Papa's private study was located in there. I opened the latch and once I was inside I set down the lantern, and locked the latch behind me, just how Papa showed me. I leant over to pick up the lantern when I slipped on the steps and ended up falling down them hitting my head on the floor beneath. I wasn't always the most graceful.

To be fair those step were slippery.

I awoke on dirt and not in my father's study. My back ached and then I realized where I was, I tried and mustered up as much strength as I possibly could and realized my left arm was in immense pain.

I readied my 3d maneuver gear, when I felt the land move.

"Shit, shit, shit," I thought to myself. I tried moving my left hand at least, but it just wasn't budging.

"One grapple hook it is." I settled on.

You see, a titan was coming and it was either, end up regurgitated by one of those monsters or end up dangling from a big ass tree and look like an idiot. I chose big ass tree and life. If by life, I meant hoping someone else would fly on by and notice me or hope that the titan would get bored with me and walk away, ( Survey Corps' finest). Neither would probably happen, but was still hoping the first could. In the mean time I had to figure out how I was going to at least get back to being right-side up again. I need to get to much higher ground. Thankfully, it was just a 7 meter titan, of course no titan at all would have been best.

"I could swing onto the branch, or try to climb it with one hand," I thought to myself.

"Swinging it is!" I said to myself.

Just as I start to swing I see someone coming through the branches of the other trees. This person glided with ease and was easily able to take out the titan. The titan fell to ground and vapor started pouring out from said floor titan. I saw a figure make it up to the branch i was dangling from.

"What are you doing, idiot?" He asked.

"Well, dangling from a tree, kind of stuck here," I answered.

"I see _that,_ " he said simply.

"Well, if you see _that_ could you help me up?" I half asked.

"I take down this titan for you, and not even a simple please, tsk?" He scoffed.

"Nevermind Levi, I'll just do it _mah_ damn self!" I exclaimed.

"You don't hav-", he was cut off by my shrieking. I ended up loosening the grapple hook, and before he could finish his sentencing I was falling, again.

Before I hit the ground I managed to send out the grapple hook again, but didn't take into account how much I was flailing. I ended up hitting my head on the trunk of the tree and everything went black. I never said I was graceful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan nor its characters, only my OC(s).**

 **Not sure when I'll update, maybe if enough people ask I will. It also will loosely follow ideas from the Manga. Mainly, just my OC's story, which will transition back and forth from flashbacks, if it gets confusing let me know. Constructive criticism, is always welcome. I hope you enjoy and let me know if you're interested in continuing this story.**

 **Author's Note: I've had some pretty bad writer's block lately (I know already?) I have so many ideas for this and yet can't seem to progress it, but I managed to conjure this up for you. I hope you enjoy this and if you don't I apologize in advance. Criticism is always welcome, if you like tell me, if you don't tell me as well. I'm always looking to improve. Anyway, happy reading!**

I woke up _again_ , I might add. I felt a slight pressure on my temple, also I wasn't dangling either. I was bandaged up and I was laying down on a bed. I rose up when a gentle firm hand reassured me not to get up too quickly. It was Ro. Roland was my best friend, we pretty much grew up together and he's looked out for me ever since. He was a tall fellow, strong broad shoulders, wide chest, powerful arms, head full of caramel hair, stunning green eyes, and a kick ass smile.

"Hey, slow down you'll knock yourself out again." He laughed.

"Ro!" I yelled, as I tried to hug him, but failed miserably as I couldn't lift my left arm up.

"Woah there, you might want to take it easy, you've been out for a while there kiddo," he teased.

"I was worried, when the formation fell apart, I went after Sabrina, the next thing I knew I was by the forest and I was knocked off my horse, the next thing I know I'm dangling from a tree and Levi was an assh- wait how long was I out?" I asked.

"6 months," he said straight-faced.

The look on my face must have broken his bluff, because he laughed and finally told me I was only out for 3 days.

"That's still 3 days, Ro. What the hell happened out there?" I asked.

"Well from my perspective, the formation broke, and as soon as that happened, everything else fell apart too. I tried finding you once I heard the left side of the formation had been attacked by titans, but there weren't any flares to signify that that had happened, at least not that I saw." He answered.

"That doesn't make any sense. We heard the right flank got attacked and saw a deviant titan signal. That's when Sabrina lost it and ran away. I tried going after her, but she ran into the forest and I lost her before I could catch up. That's when something knocked me off my horse from behind and got hit with something heavy. I got up who knows how long I was out before I woke up, my horse was gone though. The Earth started shaking so I knew a titan was coming and tried getting up to higher ground, but with only one hand accessible I could only use one grappling hook," and before I could finish Ro just burst out laughing. And not one of those "haha" laughs, but one of those I can so picture you being an idiot laughs. I was not amused.

"You were probably such a tease to that titan, here's a meaty human dangling on a string all ready for you to eat," he laughed out.

"I find comfort in you thinking that me getting eaten is such a joke to you," I said unamused.

"The weirdest things happen to you Fayly, you have to admit it. I am glad and relieved to see you are okay, but you have admit it was pretty funny, what happened next, you said Levi was there?" He asked.

Ro never really disliked Levi, but he didn't exactly like him either, he respected him like soldiers should do. I on the other hand couldn't stand that arrogant little man, but I respected him nonetheless, I give credit where credit is due and he's got skill. Then there was a knock at the door.

"Oh yeah, Commander Erwin needs to ask you a couple questions and that's him probably at the door," Ro said quickly before opening it.

I shot him a what the fuck look before Erwin entered.

"Faylinn Adler, good to see you're finally awake," he simply stated.

"Thank you sir, and what do I owe this pleasure," I asked.

"I have a few questions I'd like to ask you about our most recent expedition, that is if you're up for it?" He stated, staring into my soul as he said this.

"Yeah, sure go for it" I said.

"Also, if you don't mind Levi Ackerman will be joining us to verify your part of the story," he added.

I rolled my eyes in mind, I couldn't let anyone else know I couldn't stand the guy, let alone my superior. Haha stand because he's short. I let out a small chuckle and immediately regret it as everyone looked at me.

" proceed," I managed to say blood rushing towards my cheeks.

Erwin questioned me about what happened, I told him everything I could remember right down to last detail.

"And that's when you saw Levi?" Erwin asked.

"Yes sir, I was dangling from a tree and he was on the branch my grappling hook was stuck on, I managed to get it loose when I began to fall and shot it at the nearest branch before I reached the ground" I said.

"I was going to help," Levi added.

I shot him a death glare when Erwin wasn't looking. And Levi in return stuck his tongue out with the most stoic expression on his face.

"If you both don't mind, I'd like to speak to Miss Adler alone," Erwin said to both Ro and Levi. They both left and closed the door on their way out. He took a seat right next to the bed I was on.

"Fay, did you notice anything strange on this expedition, stranger than usual?" He asked.

I looked at him and he was serious. He also referred to me as Fay , I didn't hate it since Papa always called me that, but it was definitely strange. I'm pretty sure hes reading me right now.

"I'm sorry Miss Adler," he continued.

Holy shit he can read minds too," I thought.

"Pardon, what was that?" he asked.

"Nothing sir." I answered quickly.

"Anything helps even the smallest detail," he added.

"Well I went after Sabrina when she started freaking out after someone shot the variant titan flare" I said.

"Someone ? Faylinn, you were assigned the flare gun in your group, do you not remember firing it? Also, in Captain Levi's report he said the only titan around was a regular 7 meter titan, nothing too out of the ordinary." He continued, "Why did you fire your flare?" He asked.

"I d-d-don't know, I thought someone else in the formation did, maybe it was a mistake," I managed to blurt out.

He sat there and studied me, like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking.

"You said something knocked you off your horse, did you manage to see what or _whom_ it could have been?" He asked.

"I don't think so, I just felt something hard push me with full force and before I could even register what happened, I was out." I stated.

He was staring again even more intently, head resting against the palm of his hand. I started getting nervous, I don't like being looked at especially since I probably haven't bathed since before the expedition. He probably smells me, and is trying to cover it up by smelling his hand. His face softened and smile crept along his lips. Oh god, why am I looking at his lips, stay cool he can only read minds. He broke the tension, well my tension before I started to internally make an ass out of myself.

"I believe that's enough for today, you need your rest." He said. He started to get up before I stopped him.

"Sabrina, where is she ?" I asked.

"We couldn't find her, shes written down as M. I.A," he stated. "Her horse is accounted for, but yours is still missing."

"Why would hers come back, but mine didn't?" I asked.

"Its very unclear of what happened once the formation fell apart. Tell me did Sabrina say anything before she headed off into the forest?" He questioned.

I tried thinking back to before, my memory was still a bit fuzzy.

"I cant recall," I stated. "Its like something is keeping me from remembering."

"Alex, was with you as well yet you never mentioned him, why is that?" He asked.

"I didn't even remember Alex being with us, sir." I said honestly.

"Hm." He said.

"Sir, I'm being honest." I defended.

"I trust that you believe in your memory." He addressed.

"Miss _Adler_ is it?" He questioned.

"Yes sir." I replied.

"I'll leave you to it, and if you can remember anything do not hesitate to contact me," he smiled.

"Yes sir, Commander" I answered.

And then he left. I thought about what he said, I don't remember ever firing a flare. And why couldn't I remember Alex, is he okay? I should have asked him before he left. Why is it getting so much harder to remember what happened? It feels like part of me knows and part of me doesn't. Maybe I just hit my head _one_ too many times. Thats when Ro walked in.

"It just doesn't make sense." I said to myself.

"Talking to yourself, yeah probably doesn't help." He teased.

"No, its nothing." I reassured him.

"C'mon, the guys want to see you, dinner should be getting prepared shortly," he said happily.

"I'd love to eat right away, but I really need a wash, Ro. Wouldn't want to ruin your appetite," I teased."

"No matter how bad you smell, you'll never be able to ruin my appetite Fayly." he said.

"Thanks Ro you always know how to make me feel better." I said with a glare. "But I really do need a wash, I'll meet you in the dining hall."

"You sure you don't need any help?" He asked innocently.

I gave him the dirtiest look of disapproval.

"I h-h-honestly didn't mean it like that, I m-meant standing up and walking, you have been in a bed for 3 days." "I-I-I'm sure your legs need help,'' he said jumbled, heat rising in his cheeks.

"I'll just wait for you in the dining hall," he said lowering his head as he walked out.

I let out a small laugh, he always did know how to make me feel better.

Now for that bath.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan nor its characters, only my OC(s).**

 **Not sure when I'll update, maybe if enough people ask I will. It also will loosely follow ideas from the Manga. Mainly, just my OC's story, which will transition back and forth from flashbacks, if it gets confusing let me know. Constructive criticism, is always welcome. I hope you enjoy and let me know if you're interested in continuing this story.**

"You're leaving me too?" I saw the sadness in Mom's eyes. She was the closest thing I had to a mother these past 6 years, hell my whole life and now she thought I was abandoning her.

"First Ro, now you? What did I do to deserve this?"

"Mom, I'm doing this for you, to save Humanity. To make a brighter future for all of us. So we can all finally be at peace. And finally get closer to living without titans." I said admirably.

"You sound so much like your father, he would be so proud of his _little girl_!" she said as she caressed my face. "You look so much like him."

I smiled and then my face fell. I still remembered that night at our house when the Military Police Brigade came and took him away. Mrs. Adler broke my thoughts.

"Promise me, you'll both take care of each other, promise?" She pleaded.

"I will, you can count on me." I answered. Ro joined military training 3 years ago and now it was my turn. Mom wasn't too pleased, but we were doing it for the sake of Humanity.

I woke up to sun shining on my face and by shining, I mean rudely awakening me. I was never a morning person, but I always woke up early. I hurriedly got dressed and debated whether or not to do my long black hair. It was definitely bedhead, but not too bad. It was long and wavy and reached passed the middle of my back. If anything I'll just put it up later. I heard Petra snoring from across the room and I realized my roommates were still asleep, so I tiptoed out of our room. I gently closed the door, when I heard my stomach sing the song of its people. I headed towards the dining hall and picked up some bread when I heard Ro.

"Fay, over here." He said beckoning towards the table he was at. He was sitting next to a petite brunette, looked like a new recruit.

"Faylinn, this is Alida, I'm thinking of maybe letting her join our squad, she seems to have proved herself in her training." He boasted about her.

"Really?" I questioned. He looked at me questioningly and it looked like something snapped. "I understand we need more people, but-

He cut me off "Exactly we need more people and she enough has shown devotion to the cause."

"Ro are you listening to yourself, you don't even know her," "Look, Sabrina and Alex trained their asses off an-"

He cut me off again "And they're dead, I am squad leader and you will do as I say." "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." I replied. I then got up and walked out. "What the hell was that all about?" I thought. Yeah I understand we lost so many people, but already he's replacing them? What do the other guys think about this? Why was he so adamant about it too? If I was gone, would he be so quick to replace me? I rounded a corner when I almost ran into someone.

"Squad Leader Mike, I didn't see you there." I laughed.

"I _smelled_ you." he said simply.

" _Right_ ," I said half chuckling.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"Uh no i was just heading back" I answered.

He sniffed the air and what the hell can he smell lies? I thought

"You're lying" he said.

What is with all the men here having abnormal powers? Commander Erwin can read minds, Mike can smell colors, and Captain Levi can shrink down to the size of a peanut.

We sat down by some stairs, mainly me talking, but Mike was a great listener and even put his input on some of the things that were bothering me. He even gave me an apple, so that helped.

" I read a couple letters from our mom and he's not writing back at all. She's worried shitless and he can't even tell her he's okay. He has his good days and bad days, where he's the old Ro and then days like this. He's already replacing Alex and Sabrina and yeah eventually we need too, but it hasn't even been a week. Ever since he became squad leader he's been _different_. I didn't even realize it until now." I said.

"Nothing wrong with being a squad leader, I just don't know what's wrong?" I added.

"Being a Squad leader is no easy task. Your teammates are your responsibility. Every decision you make affects your team and we never will know the outcome. Imagine how he feels." Mike replied.

"I guess I never saw it that way, it probably doesn't help that he's my brother and he's already trying to look out for me" I added. "Maybe I was overreacting."

Mike simply nodded in agreement. "You should talk to him, _alone_." He stood up and helped me up.

"Hey Mike, the other day Commander Erwin was questioning me like he didn't really know who I was. Am I really that forgettable ?" I asked.

He stood there contemplating what he was trying to say. To make sure he didn't given anything away.

"Let's put it this way, he's Commander for a reason, he sees things even the best cannot see. I'm sure he had his reasons for the way he comes about." He saluted and walked away.

I saw Joshua and Tyler heading towards the dining hall when I stopped them.

"Hey guys, there you are," I said as I caught up to them.

Tyler was a slender blonde man, he graduated with me. More brains than brawn. He had pale blue eyes and a tall physique, he was quick and knew how to think on his feet. Joshua on the other hand brunette, and has a muscular built and he's pretty strong. He's also as tall Tyler at 6'0 compared to my 5'2, but I know how to take care of myself. I may be small, but i'm pretty good at combat.

"Hey Fay, Roland's looking for you said to go find him in his room." Tyler told me.

"How are you holding up? We had to take care of your duties while you were out, you're welcome!" Josh teased as he messed up my hair.

"Did he tell you about some new recruit?"I asked them.

They both looked at each other in unison and shook their heads.

"What do you guys know that I don't." I threatened.

"He's been hanging around some new girl lately, she's small with brown hair." Josh said.

"We saw her train and we're surprised he even chose her." Tyler added. "Yeah, she's cute, but at what cost?"

"We're no Special Operations Squad, but we get the job done and we compliment each other's abilities." Josh said.

"I tried talking to him and he went off on me." "Any takers?" I asked.

"We think you should ask him again." they started pushing me towards the men's barracks. When I ended up colliding with someone. When they saw who it was they made a run for it. I rubbed my head, it was starting to get sore again. Then I realized that i was right on top of this person.

"I sincerely apologize my friends do not know when to quit," I apologized.

I saw that I was half on Captain Levi. Shit, hurry up and get up. I tried placing my hand on the floor to steady myself up and ended up putting my hand where I should have not. I swear all the blood rushed to my cheeks and I ended up squeezing it? What the hell am I doing?

"Fay?" I heard Ro say.

What the hell is happening right now? I'd rather be fighting Titans at the moment than going through this, and what the hell was that for hand? Did I tell you to do that? I internally scolded myself and got up as quickly as I could. I really hope he didn't feel that, maybe I was quick enough. Who am I kidding, you perv.

"Ro you're here I was looking everywhere for you." I quickly said.

"I am terribly sorry for this Captain Levi, I d-d-didn't even mean to uh- you know," I said as I walked off with Ro.

 **Meanwhile..**

"I saw that, Levi" Hanji giggled.

"What the hell are you even doing here?" Levi asked dusting himself off.

"It's so nice someone is taking a liking to you, considering how hard it is to like you. " Hanji said with glee.

"It was an accident, the brat should look where she's going." He simply stated.

"Uh huh," She said, her eyebrows moving up and down. "Hopefully that wasn't the only thing that was... hard". A faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

"Get the hell out of here, you shitty four-eyes." He demanded.

 **Back to..**

We made it to Ro's room.

"What the fuck were you doing over there?" he pretty much yelled at me.

"Joshua and Tyler kept pushing me to find you and then we ran in Levi-"

He cut me off again for the umpteenth time "I don't care for your excuses, but in the damn hallway?"

"What if someone else had seen, how could you do this to me ?" he asked.

"Ro what are you even talking about? How could I do what?" I asked.

"It was an accident-"

"Sure as hell didn't look like one." He finished.

"What the hell is your problem, Roland?" " What's going on, talk to me." I said.

"What's wrong with me, you're the one disrespecting me in front of Alida." he stated.

"Oh your, girlfriend, I wonder how she got that position," I said making a fake penis in my mouth move.

"Watch it soldier, I am technically your superior." He said coldly.

"Out on the battlefield, Right now you're my brother, but you sure aren't as hell acting like him."

" I feel like I don't know you anymore."

"I can say the same about you, you're all cozying up to Mike, you're on top of Levi." He retorted.

"I was talking to Mike about _you_. The Levi accident happened because I was looking for _you_."

"What has gotten into you?" I asked.

"You seemed fine when I woke up, talk to _me_." I said in a soothing voice.

"Mom says you even stopped writing to her, you can't do that to her, she's worried sick about us," I added.

We sat down on his bed, when he started crying.

"I can't sleep, I keep having flashbacks from the expeditions. I'm exhausted. I keep seeing people dying in front of me, because of me. It's my fault they're dead. Seeing people torn in half, the titans didn't care they threw the rest of the body to ground. Blood everywhere, why couldn't it have been me? Why am I still here?" he asked me.

"I saw Alex get eaten right in front of me, but the titan seemed like it was torturing him, more so than eating."

" I thought that's what happened to _you_ Fayly. I thought you were gone" he added.

"I don't know what's going on, but I can't make it stop."

"Help me," he pleaded.

He laid his head in my lap and I started stroking his hair, soothing him as much as I could. He eventually ended up falling asleep in my lap. He needs to see a doctor, I'll let him rest for now. I should probably report to Commander Erwin, that Ro won't be able to start his duties.

I finally made it to the Commander's office and gently knocked.

"Come in," a stern voice answered.

I walked in and he told me to close the door behind me and take a seat.

"Go on Cadet," he said.

"I would like to inform you that Squad Leader Roland Adler has fallen ill and needs his rest and will not be able to partake in his duties today, sir." I said stand while saluting.

"I would like to take over his duties while he is out, sir." I finished.

He sat there thinking,"Hm, and why should I entrust you with the duties of a Squad Leader, cadet?" He said testing me.

"With all due respect sir, I have been here for a while, and have devoted my life to saving Humanity and my Squad Leader sir." I said sternly.

He chuckled, and told me to relax. "It was Adler's turn to help Levi clean, I suppose you could help clean for Humanity." he slightly chuckled again.

My face grew hot, was he mocking me? "Yes, sir" I answered.

"Oh and Faylinn, if you need that much alone time, please do not do it in a hallway where people will see." he added.

It felt like all the blood in my body rushed to my cheeks.

"Another thing, I like your hair down like that, you're dismissed." he said looking back down at his paperwork.

"Yess-ir," I managed to mumble out and ended up tripping on my way out.

 **Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy.**

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	4. Nightmare

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan nor its characters, only my OC(s) and any character that's too OOC.**

 **Not sure when I'll update, maybe if enough people ask I will. It also will loosely follow ideas from the Manga. Mainly, just my OC's story, which will transition back and forth from flashbacks, if it gets confusing let me know. Constructive criticism, is always welcome. I hope you enjoy and let me know if you're interested in continuing this story.**

* * *

Cleaning with Captain Levi wasn't all that bad. Aside from making me re-clean everything I had done to meet his standards. I tried apologizing for what had happened earlier and he told me to simply watch where i was going. Other than that he wasn't a completely terrible human being. I had the guys check up on Ro, turns out he was asleep all day. I'd need to talk to him whenever he woke up. I was finally done cleaning, meaning I got it decent enough for him to take over and do it properly. I wasn't about to argue, so I headed out to the men's barracks. I gently knocked and heard a 'Come in' from the other side.

"Ro, you're finally awake," I cheered.

"Yeah I can't remember the last time I slept that well." He laughed.

"Are you alright ?" I asked. "You really worried me, I was just glad you didn't go off on someone else."

"I'm sorry, you out of all people don't deserve to be yelled at like that" he apologized.

"I'm your little sister, who else is going to be a pain in your ass." I joked. He smiled, then got quiet again.

"Fayly, if I loved a certain person, you wouldn't look at me any different would you?" he asked.

"Ro would you honestly expect anything else from me?" I laughed. "If you're referring to Alex, I already know."

He had a stunned expression on his face, he tried to speak, but nothing would come out.

"Ro, I'm your sister, what did you expect ?" "I also saw you too, ya know." I said gesturing with my hands.

I feel Ro created a whole new shade of the color red and it was displayed all over his face. After much awkward silence much on his part he finally spoke.

"You've always been so perceptive, even growing up, you just knew things." he smiled.

"I promised Alex I would take care of his sister, Alida. Which is why I want you guys to welcome her and help with training." he added."

My face fell, "Well now I feel like an asshole," "I knew there had to be a reason you were so adamant about her joining us."

He laughed, "Oh Fayly, is that a yes?" he said hugging me from the side.

"See things like that are why I knew you were gay, really Fayly?" I said.

"Don't be so mean to your big brother!" he huffed.

"Jeez, just the other day you wanted to help me bathe and now you like penis?" I stated.

"Make up your mind Ro!"

"Let's go down to dinner, I'm sure there are things we need to discuss with the other guys." He said trying to change the subject. We both got up and headed out when I stopped and looked at Ro.

"In all seriousness Ro, if something is really bothering you, the least you can do is tell your fucking sister asshole!." I said as I kicked him in the shin and ran off. Now, Roland is a whole foot taller than me so you can imagine what that looks like.

* * *

A month had passed and it was already time for the next expedition. I was writing the letter to Mom like I do on every expedition in case I don't make it. Ro and I both do, so if one of us doesn't make it back or both of us she knows we never gave up and that we were always thinking of them. Ro's episodes still happened, but every once in a while. I told him to take some time off, but he wouldn't, he was too stubborn, I wouldn't either, but I'd never let him know that. Alida is officially on our squad, but she still needs a lot of training, especially since it's her first time outside the wall. I looked over at Sabrina's empty bunk, we never did find anything left of her, she's still reported as M.I.A. She didn't even have a family left to report it to. She said they all died when Wall Maria fell. Today would be for her and all of our fallen comrades. My thoughts were interrupted when Petra walked through the door.

"First Lieutenant Alder, important message from the Commander, to be read immediately." she said.

"Enough with the formalities, Petra. Hand it over." I opened it quickly and scanned it over.

"This, can't be right?" I whispered.

"What is it Faylinn?" she asked.

"He's moving me in the formation!" I said stunned. "Why would he even do that?

"He only told me to give it to you and make sure you read it before the expedition" Petra said trying to stop me from marching to his office.

"Why is he moving me away from Ro, I can't leave him. I need to protect him, I can't break my promise, especially at this time." I thought.

"What exactly are you going to say to the Commander?" Petra asked. "You can't exactly defy his orders."

"I can try and reason with him," I replied and left for his office sprinting. I straightened myself out and let out a deep breath a knocked on the door and opened it.

I saluted and asked "Permission to speak, Commander Erwin sir?"

"Permission granted," he simply stated.

"I-I don't see myself useful in the formation sir, I would like to return to my Squad's usual spot in the formation." I replied.

"Why is that exactly?" He asked watching me intensely.

"We have a new recruit, and she'll be more than enough to handle considering it's her first expedition." I answered. "We're still short people from our last expedition, our team needs everyone we have left.

"Interesting notion, but I already spoke to your Squad Leader and he informed me, it was fine." he said.

I froze, Ro said it was okay? Why would he do that? Why didn't he tell me. Erwin was studying me again.

"Lieutenant Adler?" he asked.

"Pardon what was that?" I asked.

"I asked why you turned down the position to be Squad Leader before when I assigned it to you.

He answered.

How could I tell him, I turned it down because Ro wanted the position and worked so hard for it. He deserved it. I could care less about the positions in the military. I had to take care of my brother no matter what.

"It wasn't for Roland was it?" he asked. Holy shit his mind reading abilities are still working.

"No, sir I didn't believe I was qualified for the job." I replied.

"Are you suggesting my judgement was wrong?" he retorted.

"I'm not questioning your judgement Sir. I just felt there were other people more deserving than I." I tried arguing.

"You are less deserving." he repeated.

I'm just making an ass of myself, I really didn't think this through. I need to figure out a way out fast, doesn't help that he's too damn clever and handsome.. Focus Fay, you need to think of a perfect response. Just then Hanji walked in.

"We're ready to go, Erwin." she said saving me from bitter defeat.

"Oh Faylinn, didn't know you were here." she said happily.

"I apologize for intruding sir, that is all." I said as I ran out.

I started running, it was almost time to go and I needed to find Ro. I ran across the courtyard to get to the stables. I spotted him by my horse.

"You asshole, why the hell didn't you tell me about changing my position? AND WHY THE HELL AM I CHANGING POSITIONS?!" I practically screamed in his ear.

"Ouch Fayly, you really need to calm down." He said trying to swat me away like I was some insect.

"Ro we're always together, every time. We need to keep each other safe. How-" he cut me off before I could finish.

"Faylinn, how do you think I made it this far, I joined the Scout Regiment three years prior to you joining. I've handled myself and I can handle this expedition, you don't always have to take care of me!" he argued.

The waterworks we coming, I could feel them.

"You need to take care of me." I said looking at him.

His face softened, "We promised not only mom, but each other. You said you would always take care of me. When you guys found me, you promised!" tears rolling down.

"You're my family and dammit, and last time we were apart it felt like hell not knowing where you were!" "You might not need me, but I fucking need you!" 

He didn't say anything he just embraced me in a hug.

I continued, "If I die out there, I at least want to you to be near me, so you're the last thing I see and not those fucking monsters."

"Fayly, we don't know what will happen, no one does." he said. "Just promise we'll see each when this is over." His voice cracked, he was starting to cry.

"Now, tie up your hair or a titan is going to snatch it up." I laughed and he wiped the rest of my tears.

Joshua, Tyler, and Alida then joined us.

"What's this bout you leaving us ?" Tyler joked.

"I'm not happy about this either guys, there's nothing I can do especially since our Squad Leader gave approval." I said glaring at Ro.

"We'll be fine Fayly," Josh said messing up my hair.

"See you on the other side," he added.

We talked and then got ready to our spots before departure. I was in the center of the formation near Erwin and in front of Levi's squad. None of us exactly knew why, but questioning the Commander wasn't going to help. The gate lifted in unison with the sun rising.

"The expedition begins now!" Commander Erwin roared. In unison we readied our horses and began the expedition, some of us will come back, some won't.

No one knows that outcome of what will happen, we just have make it through today, for Humanity's sake.

"7 Meter Titan approaching from the west!" Hanji yelled.

"Adler Support team will take care of it." Mike stated. I looked back at the guys thinking I should be with them. I have to keep looking forward and put my faith in them.

* * *

We finally made it outside the wall and still no sign of the guys.

"Deploy Long-Distance Enemy Scouting Formation!" Erwin yelled.

I kept looking back for the guys and it was slowing me down.

"Do you not trust your own team?" I heard someone ask.

"Captain Levi, I-I do." I argued.

"Then turn the fuck around and keep going, no need to slow everyone else down." he ordered.

I nodded and returned back to my spot in the formation. We had been riding until we finally spotted the red flares coming from the East and saw we had to change direction.

"Adler! Signal a directional flare towards West!" Erwin ordered. Just as I was about to, I saw the black flare coming from the West.

"Commander Erwin!" I shouted.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked.

A yellow emergency followed after. Unless the right flank took out the titan already it was best to head East.

"Signal Flare straight ahead." was all he said.

"We're not changing direction ? " I thought what are we doing? Just then Moblit rode over to deliver a message.

"Variant Titan came out of the forest, wiped out the left flank and any support teams."

"No!" I yelled. And without thinking I headed towards the left bottom flank. I heard the Commander yell out my name, but I didn't care.

I needed to know. There didn't seem to be any titans nearby until I saw the bodies. Limbs everywhere, Titan blood and human's as well. And then I saw it. Joshua's body was torn in half.

"No, no, no, this can't be happening." I said. Someone touched my leg, it was Tyler, he was badly injured.

"F-fay." he managed to get out.

"Tyler! What happened?" I asked. "Where's Ro?" He pointed over to where a titan was holding someone. It was 13 Meter titan, with long Red hair, it almost looked _feminine_.

"Ro!" I yelled.

"Fay get out of here save yourself!." he yelled.

"NO!" I screamed.

"GODDAMMIT FAYLINN, JUST DO THIS ONE FUCKING THING! PLEASE!" He begged.

"I'm going to save you Roland! We're going home!" I yelled.

And just then the Titan looked at me, and then at Ro, and looked at me again. Why was it just standing there? Was it thinking of what to do? Titans can't think. And then it swallowed him. I starred horrified and I began to charge at the titan, moving in between it's legs to slice its ankles. It ended up kneeling & It kept trying to swat away at me, so I ran up its arm and sliced its underarm tissue. One arm down now one to go. The strange thing about it, was it was frantically moving around like it knew what _it_ was doing, what _I_ was doing.. It tried hitting me again with its right arm and it got me just enough to where I lost my balance. I grappled onto the next arm and was able slice its other arm as I was swinging. Just then I heard Alida yelling, she brought 2 more titans with her. Shit, shit, shit. I don't know what to do.

"Someone help please! ANYBODY!?" she screamed.

I quickly was able to swing onto the 10 meter titan and take out the nape of its neck. Then when I tried taking the 12 meter titan, it jumped. Shit, it's a variant. I need to save to save Ro, it didn't swallow him just yet. Then I saw the other titan getting up, it's recovering already. It got on one leg. the other was still kneeling. I hear another scream from Alida, the 12 meter titan has her in its grasp. She's trying to squirm away, it's starting to squeeze her. I quickly grapple onto its torso and grapple towards its arm. I run down the arm slicing down its arm and finally lets go of her. She's falling to the ground and I yell at her to use her 3D maneuver gear, freaking idiot. It tried to bite me and I quickly jumped using the gas to propel me over its head and grappling towards its shoulder, finally reaching the nape of its neck and slicing right through. I see Levi and his squad coming towards us. But the other titan that has Ro, it's getting up, I tried running towards it and it ended up running away with Ro still in its mouth. I called my horse and as soon as I tried to hop on, someone pulled me off.

"Let me go!" I yelled.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled back

"I need to save him, don't try and stop me!."I cried. Tears started falling down rapidly. "It has Ro!"

"I'm sorry I should have helped. I just left and then more followed." Alida apologized.

"YOU!" I screamed. "YOU ABANDONED YOUR TEAM, YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE BITCH!" "HE'S GONE BECAUSE I HAD TO SAVE YOUR ASS! I COULD HAVE FUCKING SAVED HIM!"

"I'M SORRY" SHE CRIED.

Just as I was about to hit her, Levi punched me in my ribs, I bent over. Not before I ended up pushing him to the ground, where I ended up on top of him and as I went to punch him he dodged. He pushed me off of him and as he was about to strike, I quickly dodged.

"Faylinn! Stop!" Petra pleaded.

Petra's cries snapped me back to reality and I began to cry. I fell to my knees crying, knowing he was gone. What could I have done different? Did I even have a chance?

"What the hell happened?" I heard Erwin ask as he approached us. "Get all the wounded onto carts, we're regrouping at the the ruins 60 meters ahead."

* * *

I felt numb and then I didn't. Like I could feel everything and nothing at the same time. Like I was loose and tight at the same time. **(Brownie points if you know where that's from, Bertell me in the reviews.)** I felt unstoppable and that's probably why I thought I could fight Levi. Like something was dormant and finally awakened. Was this even happening or was it a nightmare and I'll wake up at any moment. What's happening to Ro right this minute. I couldn't have kept my promise. I should have fought harder to stay with them. Josh is gone, and Tyler's badly injured, who knows if he'll make it... I barely even noticed that we arrived at the ruins. Someone sat me up against the wall, who knows how long I was sitting before Erwin apporached me.

"I need to speak with you, follow me." He said. I did as I was told and he led me into a room.

He closed the door behind and started. "Not only did you blatantly defy my orders, but you disrespected and fought against a superior officer. "

"Given the circumstances we'll deal with this later." "There are other matters at hand."

I looked at him confused.

"What?" I asked.

"We have reason to believe, that that Titan was looking for you." he stated.

"How could a Titan even know to look for me?" I said.

"Think about it, did that Titan seem odd? he asked.

"Well, yeah it was a deviant."I said.

"No, something else was _off_ ," he interjected.

That Titan looked more human, and it was actually thinking. My face grew white.

"According to witness accounts, it went straight towards the left bottom flank. A position you were normally in."

"Someone with previous knowledge of this formation.." he trailed off.

"How is that even possible?" I argued.

"Even if that was _possible,_ what would it have wanted with _me_?" I asked.

"Tell me, is there anyone else outside the Adler family, that know about you and your father's past?" he questioned.

"That's ridiculous the only people that would kno-, wait my past?"

"I know who you are Faylinn Hisashi," he said "You should have changed your whole name and not just your surname."

I stood there frozen, how? The only people that knew about my past and my father's were the Adlers and.. I said aloud "Sabrina."

"She's dead though, are you saying that this is my fault?" I cried.

"Ro's gone and it's because of me?" "Why? What does my father's past have to do with anything?"

"Your father uncovered some important information about Titans, that someone out there doesn't want us knowing." He answered looking me up and down.

"I'm assuming they believe that you are aware of this as well."

I couldn't move. I thought I was done with this. Why is it coming back? What did I do to deserve going through this again. It's my fault, everything. And yet I have no control over it.

"Squad Leader Roland was very aware of the plan." I looked at him shocked. "He was willing to protect you to the end."

He knew? And still he went with it. He kept his promise, but I couldn't? What of mom & dad, are they in danger because of me?

"Your parents are safe, that was one of the terms Roland had along with your safety in the formation." he said reading my mind.

"All those people died, because they're looking for me." I said stunned. "one life isn't worth multiple!"

"Your father knew something life changing, that could benefit Humanity and he died for that right," "Are you saying you wouldn't?" "All soldiers sacrifice their lives once they join the Scout Regiment."

I looked at him, he was getting frustrated with me. "I'll sacrifice myself." I replied.

"Humanity needs you, Faylinn." "I _need_ you. "With you I'm sure we can uncover what your father found." He revealed.

"Why wasn't I informed of this plan?" I asked.

"We knew you'd sacrifice yourself to avoid casualties." he assured.

Joshua's dead because of me, who knows what's happened to Ro, Tyler's badly hurt.

"All those p-people.." I slurred before I ended up passing out, it seems to be a reoccurring theme.

I woke up on a makeshift bed, I looked at my surroundings and I was surrounded by the injured soldiers. I saw Tyler and made my towards him. I placed my hand around his forehead and moved his hair out of his face with my thumb.

"I'll get him back, just get better," I whispered to him.

I quietly got up and picked up my gear, if its me they want then I'll gladly give them what they want. I know Ro is still alive, I can still feel him. I'm sure Erwin would have me under surveillance. I saw Alida and tried getting her attention.

"Psst, Alida get over here." i said in a loud whisper. She looked scared, but she cooperated.

"Miss Adler! I'm so sorry! " She squeaked.

"Shhh, they'll hear us," I said. "look I'm sorry about earlier I really am, but if you really want to make it up to me, you're going to have to do as I say.

She swallowed hard and nodded.

"Great here's the plan." and we got to scheming. Not Commander Erwin quality, but enough for me to get to my horse.

"Quick I think I saw a Titan in the dungeon!" she screamed. a couple of soldiers guarding the entrance ran inside.

"What? the dungeon?" One asked.

"That doesn't make any sense," another added.

"I don't feel goo-'' she said as she pretended to faint.

More people started to gather around Alida. At least I can make a break for it outside now, as long as I could hide in the shadows a little bit longer before the sun rises, I'll be in the clear. I crept along the wall, careful to not make too noise. I located where the horses were being tied up and called for Alastor; my horse. I quickly found him, but someone spotted me too, I quickly hopped on. The sun was rising and it was getting a lot clearer to see. Even if they did spot me I already had a head start. The ruins was getting farther and farther, there was no guarantee I'd even find the titan.

"RO!" I yelled out. And nothing, no Titan in sight. How bittersweet I'm actually looking for titans. I kept going shouting, trying to draw anything out here towards me.

"I'M RIGHT HERE, YOU STUPID FUCKING TITANS. I'M NOT VERY USEFUL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING, BUT IF I CAN STOP ANY UNNECESSARY DEATHS I WILL!" I yelled. Something wasn't right, I started to hear horses.

"Shit, they found me already?" I told myself. "They need to head back I can't have anyone else die because of me."

I looked in their direction and they were gaining on me fast, soon they were right behind me.

"I'm tired of chasing after you, you idiot!" Levi spat.

Just as I turned around I saw a 9 meter titan. Except, my heart sank. I felt like I was torn into pieces. Looking into those familiar green orbs, that caramel hair. I lost all hope.

"F-f-f-a-y-e" the titan spoke. The titan fucking spoke.

"Oh my god Ro, no!" I cried.

 **Alright, I hope you enjoyed, I was half asleep, writing and editing this.**

 **So I hope it makes sense. All of you faving and reviewing, I love you all, you make me want to write even more.**

 **Until next time!**


	5. Bamboozled

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan only my OCs.**

* * *

Faylinn was watching the scene before her, fog enveloped the grounds in which she stood on. In front of her was a 10 Meter titan that resembled her brother, with a few members of the Survey Corps not far behind. Why wasn't it attacking? Could it really be Ro, how could this even be possible. He was human, not a titan. He devoted his life to saving humanity not destroying it.

I stepped off my horse, and slowly approached him.

"Faylinn, step away!" I heard Petra shout.

I can't, I need to know. It felt like all of instincts left my body.

"Idiot take that Titan down already!" Oulo added his two cents.

"Don't call her an idiot and don't speak in that manner." Petra argued.

"Oi!Faylinn you know what you have to do." Levi said. He wasn't ordering me, he was letting me choose.

It brought me somewhat back to reality, I needed to get him away from them. For everyone's sake, and yet he still hadn't moved, he just sat there watching us. Was this really still happening? At this point I couldn't even tell, I had to do something. I went back to Alastor and pulled his reigns. I started to head towards the forest, trying to get the Titans attention. If he talked, he still some concept of who I was. I yelled at him, shouting "Ro." and after much hand waving and shouting he followed me into the direction I was going. The fog around us would help give us cover. I didn't even know what I was doing or what my objective was, but I kept going. We were nearing the forest when the feminine titan from yesterday showed up. She was to blame for this I knew it. And then the strangest thing happened, I saw vapor pouring from the nape of its neck. What the hell is going on? It revealed a person. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, pretty soon vapor started pouring through the already foggy environment. I was dumbfounded when I saw who it was.

In a desperate pleading voice she said, "I'm so sorry Faylinn, she made me do it!" "They're going to kill me, I-I didn't know what to do." "I freaked out, "Once they caught onto me I had to escape." I couldn't believe what I seeing and hearing, Sabrina was a titan.

Not only that she could become human again

"What are you exactly sorry about?" I questioned, I had to know for certain.

"I turned Ro into a titan, but she made me do it!" she cried.

"How could she have possibly done that, does that mean they make titans?" I thought.

And it's certain this really is Ro.

"You did this to him?" I asked. "Did you kill Alex too?" I was holding back tears. "What kind of fucked up thing are you?" I said in disgust.

"She made me do it, I'm so sorry." she cried.

But if she can become human that means maybe he could too.

"Who?" It was aggravating and much harder to keep my composure.

The ground was moving, another Titan was approaching and yet here is Ro and he's been docile the whole time. Just standing there peacefully minding his own business. Did he even know what was going on? I'm sorry I let you down Ro.

"Oh no, she's coming." Sabrina Panicked.

"Who the hell are you talking about?" I said running out of patience. "Just get to the fucking point already." "How do I get him back?"

The she, she was referring to finally appeared, it looked like an ordinary 15 Meter Titan, with piercing hazel eyes and short black hair. She was nearing us as I readied my Three dimensional maneuver gear.

"I set him free for a reason, there's still hope for Ro, If he eat-" The she titan quickly snatched Sabrina from the ground. I'd never seen a Titan move like that, especially that quick.

"No! NO!" she wailed as the titan squeezed her before anything else could be said.

She then devoured her, and looked over at me. I was next wasn't I? She roared almost bursting my ear drums.  
Was she actually calling Titans? And they respond? I felt the Earth vibrate through my feet, the ground was shaking. And then I saw them heading towards me. Is this how I die? What was the point of this? Sacrificing ourselves every time we leave the walls. Imagine if Ro and I never joined the military and stayed back home. He could have had a family and someone he loved. Sure we'd be called cowards, but at least we'd be safe. He'd still be human. But we were never safe to begin with, the fall of Wall Maria is proof. We do it s that one day we won't be confined and so that one day we can be safe. This is why, to create a future beyond these walls for the generations to come. And for mankind to finally take back what's ours. My internal argument was giving me the small hope that I needed.

Titans were coming full force in my direction when the she titan spoke. "Not her, him." as she ran into the forest they then went towards Ro's direction.  
Gnawing on every part of him, I couldn't believe it. He was roaring in agony. He was able to push one off and it landed a couple yards away from me now was my chance. All I remembered was seeing red and how angry I was. I drew my swords and propelled myself off the ground onto the back of the titan slicing my way up its back while vapor and blood poured from its wounds. I never moved this fast before, every second counted I had to do this for him. I finally made it to the nape of its neck and quickly sliced it out. There were still two titans left, and Ro was losing limbs, it was getting a lot more difficult to see, with the fog and the vapor emitting from the titans. I grapple hooked it to one of its legs, slicing any part to take its attention off of Ro and onto me. It tried to grab me, but I managed to dodge its hand onto its arm. It tried grabbing me with its other hand and I was able to slice off its fingers before it pushed me off. Instantly I shot a hook at its neck trying to dodge its hand, I needed to get rid of this titan and fast. I swiveled in the air trying to wrap the wires around its neck and swiftly shot the other grappling hook against the tree and with all my force boosted my weight towards the tree. The titan's head head rolled off with ease. There was only one left and it was on top of Ro trying to get to his neck. It was starting to rain heavily. I jumped from the tree towards the two I had a clear shot of its nape and whirled around to gain momentum , one swing and it would be done. I was almost there and as soon as I had swung my blades it swiftly shifted towards the left. At that moment, time stood still. I looked in horror at where my blades had struck. Vapor and blood pouring adjacently onto me. I could see the blood slowly drench my clothes. I killed him. How could I? He started to plummet towards the ground, vapor enveloping me completely. I dropped my blades and starred in disbelief. I heard the other horses approaching. Some were even calling my name. It didn't matter though, he was gone and it was my fault. I could have saved him, he needed me. I should have fought harder, against the commander, against the titans. I was brought back to reality.

"YOU!" I said in the direction of the titan.

I charged at it with all that I had left in me propelling in every which direction. Slicing every inch I could get my swords on. I sliced its ankles first and it fell to its knees, it swung its hand towards me and I managed to cut into its wrist. I shifted all my weight off its wrist and kicked off while its hand became unattached. Sprinting up its arm, it tried hitting me with its other hand, I swiftly jumped onto its other hand and grapple hooked onto its face. With as much pressure as I could I pierced through the titans eyes, releasing my blades and replacing them with the last pair I had left.

"Shouldn't we help!?" Petra demanded.

"No." Levi replied calmly.

"But Captain Levi." Petra protested.

"That's an order. She needs this" Levi said watching the scene above them. Petra obeyed, hesitantly watching. Readying her gear, just in case.

I pierced through the Titans flesh again, this time I shifted my weight on the blades and used the gas to push me into the direction towards the shoulder, slicing its face all the way down. I made it to its shoulders, I could feel the heat radiating from its body. The rain was starting to get heavier. It was now or never, before it would heal itself. I ran towards its neck, slicing every which way until there was nothing left at all. Not caring if I ended up cutting myself in the process. I felt its body shift downward and swung into the nearest tree, jumping down. I ran towards Ro's body it was already decomposing, his blood turning into vapor. I still couldn't believe it. He was gone. I was paralyzed, I felt myself fall, tears escaping profusely. I couldn't save him, I wasn't strong enough. What good am I to anyone? I started sobbing and didn't care who heard me. I couldn't keep my promise. Not to mom, not to Ro, not to Papa. I reached for my sword, placing it towards my neck.

"Go ahead, do it." Levi provoked. I looked at him in disbelief. "Do it, but don't think for a second you're dying as a soldier." " A soldier fights to the end, no matter the circumstances you knew what you signed up for the minute you joined the Scouting Regiment."

"I never imagined this." I thought

"The minute you take your own life, you've let everyone down. Everyone that died yesterday, they died fighting. He was closing the distance between us. Are you saying that all those lives lost are equivalent to yours? If you do this now, this would have all been done in vain."

He stared intensely with those steel gray eyes.  
I dropped my sword and grabbed the material of his pants and balled my fists. I began sobbing uncontrollably, shielding my face from everyone else.

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan/ Shingeki No Kyojin, Only my OCs. It also will loosely follow the manga, which will transition back and forth from past and present. If it gets confusing please let em know. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Love to hear what you guys think.**

 _Faylinn felt the cool Earth beneath her, the soil engulfed her face as she regained consciousness. It seemed all too quiet for the 7 year old. She finally got to her feet and slowly crept up the stairs, she heard rustling from the other side of the door. They still hadn't left, she thought. It sounded like they were taking the house completely apart. She put her ear against the door, so she could hear what they were saying._

 _"I can't find anything Sanes, for a heretic he sure doesn't have a lot of research," one of the military police officers said._

 _"Nonsense, he simply has it hidden away somewhere, along with that brat!" the other known as Sanes said._

 _"Does the kid really matter?" the other one asked._

 _"I suppose not. Ralph! Burn everything to the ground leave no evidence that we were here. That'll take care of everything. We're taking him alive." Sanes ordered._

It had been a week since the last expedition and Faylinn laid somberly in her bed. Only getting up to go to the restroom facilities or get a glass of water, her appetite was completely gone and her energy was depleting rather quickly. She was ignoring all her duties all of which friends would cover for her. She didn't care though, what was the point anymore. There was always a random person checking up on her. Right now it was Petra and she was trying everything she could do to get her out of bed.

"We can't keep covering for you Fayy, Eld is out there doing your chores, If Captain Levi finds out he'l-" Petra pleaded with her, but stopped when she noticed her glaring at her. She continued, "You're not as scary as him you know, we're just trying to help, the least you could do is work with us."

Faylinn considered her offer, but she never asked for their help. She didn't want anyone to do anything. She just wanted to be left alone and wallow in her misery by herself. Petra noticed that she wasn't getting through to her. Nothing would get through to her she finally figured.

She stood up from the chair beside Faylinn's bed and was about to storm out when she looked at her friend and finally spoke, "Pretty soon we're going to stop doing this, we can't help you if you don't want to be helped." And she walked out of the room.

Faylinn, felt bad, she did, but she couldn't even bother to eat what use was she to anyone? By the footsteps she could tell who was coming in. A firm knock was heard from the other side of the wooden door. After 5 seconds, the tall blonde man pushed the door forward and silently took his seat next to the bed. She didn't even have to look up to know who it was. She heard pages turn as she was trying to suffocate herself in her pillows. She quite enjoyed when Mike Zacharias came to 'watch' her, he wasn't nagging her and he was quiet. She heard a sniff come from him and he finally spoke.

"You need to wash." was all he said.

Her head shot up and she defended, "You need to shut up." she glared at him as menacingly as she could muster.

He raised an eyebrow and surpringly said, "So she speaks."

It didn't really hit Faylinn until that point, that she wasn't speaking to anyone. She'd only throw death glares at anyone that was trying to get her out of bed. Why was she speaking now.

"You're being selfish," he stated simply.

She thought about it before answering, she never asked for anyone to cover for her or for anyone to watch her. Why were they watching her anyway?

"I never asked for any of this if I get reprimanded for what I'm doing then so be it" she explained.

"Exactly, we aren't being told to do this, we're doing this all on our own. Did you ever think we'd get in trouble for enabling you behavior?" he asked her.

She got quiet again, she was being selfish. People were actually worried about her, and doing all her work so she could grieve for her brother because they cared about her. She wasn't the only one that lost someone that day. Many soldiers lost their friends, family even and here she was acting like a child. How many soldiers lose their loved ones time and time again and still somehow manage to go through the expeditions over and over. Who the hell did she think she was. She stared to feel the tears coming, it would have been the first time she cried since that fateful day. It wasn't long before she really began to sob and 'ugly cry' as she put it. She felt a strong hand on her shoulder and it stayed until she was done. Fay was in and out of consciousness when she finally heard the door shut. Slowly rising, adjusting her vision, there was still light outside. And Mike was right, she could use a wash just about now.

 _ **I found this story in my laptop and thought why not publish it, as usual let me know what you think and if you wish for me to continue it. :)**_


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